Little Johnny and Bill Clinton
Okay, kids, let’s get started. This is the very first VINDICATING post to the blog. Here’s a pretty popular Little Johnny joke.
This one takes place in school as do more than half of the Little Johnny jokes. I’m really glad that I changed my name to “Gary” for my post-high school education. The jokes stopped following me then.
JOKE: It was the end of the school year. The elementary school teacher had turned in her grades; there was nothing really for the class to do. All the kids were restless and it was near the end of the day. So the teacher said, “The first ones to answer my questions correctly may leave early today.”
Little Johnny said to himself, “Good, I’m smart and I want to get outta here.”
The teacher asked, “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”
Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, “Abraham Lincoln.”
The teacher said, “That’s right Susie. You may go.”
Johnny was really mad that Susie had answered first.
The teacher asked, “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”
But before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, “Martin Luther King!”
The teacher said, “That’s right, Mary. You may go.”
Now Johnny was furious!
The teacher turned her back on the class for a moment, and Johnny muttered, “I wish these sleazy chics would keep their mouths shut!”
The teacher spun around. “WHO SAID THAT?”
Johnny said, “BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?”
First, I have been accused of a lot of things but ol’ Billy Clinton is accused of much worse than me. BTW, Bill Clinton jokes are just about as worn out as Little Johnny jokes. If you find yourself telling one at a party, STOP! ‘Cuz probably the next thing you’re probably gonna do is smile at someone across the room and give them a thumbs up sign! See what I’m saying? Might as well just have someone put a “dork” Post-it note on your back AND front! Here’s the big difference between me and Bill, he’s rich and famous from being the butt of all those jokes I’m still playing the lottery when the prize gets over $100 million.
Now there’s a Little Johnny Joke from the early 1960s that places me in the 3rd grade dropping the KING of all “soap words” about my supposed sister announcing to the family, at breakfast, that she was pregnant (topic for future entry). The joke above has me in school during the Clinton Presidency. So this is as about inconsistent as Perez Hilton saying, “I just want to help you tell your story!!” This is loooong time to have been in school.
So you say, “Maybe Little Johnny was held back.”
In reality, with all of the Little Johnny stories, I couldn’t STAY in a grade. My reputation preceded me like the cheap perfume on a 48-card-playing bingo-lady. So teachers were deathly afraid of me and kept pushing me to the next grade. And here’s another thing. If the story above about me WAS true, it would have taken place after Bill Clinton’s incidents, post 1998. In 1998 or after, any idea how many little girls were actually named “Susie” or “Mary” let alone, the odds of having one of each in THE SAME CLASSROOM? Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. Ya don’t have to be Judge Judy to challenge THIS ONE on cross examination!!!!
Here’s something else to think about. I actually know the historical quotes in the joke above and to what historical figures they are attributed. How many people do you think are out and about telling this joke and, TELLING THIS JOKE, is the ONLY reason that they know MLK said “I have a dream” and Honest Abe said “Four Score and Seven Years Ago..” Yeah, you’re right, LOTS of ‘em!!!!! Most people can’t add a third student and quote to the joke before the Little Johnny punch line ‘cuz the only famous quotes they know are, “Come on down, you’re the next contestant on the Price is Right,” and whatever Piers Morgan said on last week’s America’s Got Talent.
OK. Check back next week and invite your friends to read, ESPECIALLY if their name is Johnny!