One More Back-to-School Story
So this is another “back-to-school” special since some kids are just going back to school this week too. Besides, there are more “Little Johnny-in-school” jokes than there are “Tiger Woods with hookers” jokes! That may seem hard to believe but, then again, jokes about “Little Johnny” have been around a lot longer. There’s actually an historical account of Jesus telling a Little Johnny joke. It didn’t have any “soap words” in it, of course, and it starts off with “So Little Saint Johnny was in school….”
BTW, do you think Tiger will call me to find out how to start a blog on refuting jokes about your life? I stand ready to help in exchange for free golf lessons and a Nike sponsorship for my blog. HINT: If you’re one of those web domain real-estate magnets, you might want to invest heavily in every configuration of “IamTiger.com” cuz I see that being HUUUUUUGE now that Elin is in People Mag!
Ok, so here’s the story about Little Johnny in school:
Little Johnny’s fourth grade teacher was doing a word review in class. She asked the kids to use the word URINATE in a sentence. Little Johnny is in the back of his hand WAVING FURIOUSLY to answer. The teacher is afraid to call on him. She calls on Sara.
Sara says, “When I have to go to the bathroom, I say I have to URINATE.”
The teacher gives kudos to Sara as Little Johnny continues to wave his hand in the back of the room.
The teacher figures, how bad can it be? What possibly could Little Johnny come up with that’s so bad with the word URINATE. So she calls on him. “Little Johnny, can you please use URINATE in a sentence.”
Little Johnny says, “I certainly can, “Teach, You’re an eight. But if your “soap words” were bigger, you’d be a 10!
First things first, MY fourth grade teacher was a guy! But our music teacher that year WAS a female and was DEFINITELY and 8 on my scale. She was so well-gifted in the “sweater kitten” area, that, if she was in her 20’s NOW, people would be saying she got that way from all of the hormones in milk and beef!!! LOTS OF IT!!!!
While I thought our music teacher was an 8, she was a 10 in my friend, Dirty Kurty’s mind. Dirty Kurty used to drop his lunch on the floor when she was walking by just so he could look down her blouse when she bent over to pick it up for him. Sometimes he would toss his PB&J sandwich, peanut butter side DOWN so that she would have to bend over for a long time to wipe it all up!!! But ya don’t see any “Dirty Kurty” jokes.
Dirty Kurty was so full of testosterone in 4th grade that he got “Pinocchio Pants” if a nun accidentally flashed some ankle! (Author’s Note: Until recently, Dirty Kurty was working for Tiger Woods.)
Here’s another thing. I NEVER had the chance to sit in the back of ANY class.
I mentioned in last week’s blog that I went to a Catholic grade school. Every student was seated according to alphabetical order. My last name began with one of the first letters in the alphabet so I sat toward the front of the class all 8 years of my Catholic school incarceration. Yeah, so the back of MY head collected all of the under thrown spitballs and gum!
In all honesty, in 4th grade, I had no idea that the word URINATE even existed. When I had to URINATE, I did what eveEVERY OTHER 4th grade boy did. I pinched my “weiner” and crossed my legs and wiggled around until a little trickle came out, then I panicked. ONLY THEN did I raise my hand FURIOUSLY cuz I had to “TINKLE”!! Then I pinched and gently, BUT QUICKLY, wiggled myself to the bathroom.
Post a comment if you pee’d your pants in grade school. I know I’m not the only one!
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