Little Johnny Smoking?

You turn on the Today Show’s Friday Morning Concert Series and you see moms, dads and families bouncing their heads, dancing and singing along with that week’s Concert Series performer.  Everyone’s having a GREAT time clapping and singing EVERY WORD – all in good fun, right?   But wait!!  The performer is Katie Perry and she’s singing, “I kissed a girl and I think I liked it!” 

Right then there’s a close up of a dad smiling like crazy standing behind his twin daughters that are holding their home-painted sign that says, “Celebrating our Sweet 18 Birthday with Matt, Meredith and Al.”  And the girls GLEEFULLY sing as the chorus comes around again,  “I kissed a girl and I liked it.”  Uhhh, as long as the kiddies are happy, WHO CARES WHAT THEY’RE SINGING, right? 

When I was a kid, the “bad song” was Brownsville Station’s “Smokin’ in the Boys Room.”  Boys hopped around playing air guitars, making curled-lip faces singing with gravel voices, “we were smoking in the boys’ room!”  If we were REALLY tryin’ to act “bad” we pinched our pointing finger and thumb together near our mouths as if we were taking a big long drag on a cig while we were singing!

To be REALLY bad we would giggle and be afraid of getting yelled at cuz’ we were sneakily singing the words “baddest man in the whole DAMN town” with the Jim Croce’s “Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown.”  

So given that, do ya think the story below REALLY happened? 

A guy’s walking down the street and sees Johnny smoking a cigarette. He says, “Hey kid, you’re too young to smoke.”

Johnny looks up but says nothing.

“How old are you?”

“Six,” Johnny says.

“Six? When did you start smoking?”

“Right after the first time I got lucky.”

“Right after the first time you got lucky? When was that?”

Johnny says, “I don’t remember, I was drunk.”


Wow!  Apparently you’re mistaking me for one of Pamela Rogers’ students.  Nope!  Then again, if I was one of her “students” do you think Little Johnny would have been tellin’ anyone or quietly high-fiving myself in the mirror? Luckily the young girls of America are only influenced by the likes of Katie Perry and NOT Pamela Rogers! (Sing to yourself, “I kissed a girl and I think I liked it.”)

This Little Johnny joke does have SOME truth to it.  Someone did catch me smoking once.  It was in the alley behind my house.  The same lady that used to take our kickball and cut it up when it went in her yard saw me smoking.  She called my mother faster than it takes Mel Gibson to spew 12 “soap words.” And that was before phones had speed-dial buttons.

I got my “soap word” BEAT for tryin’ a smoke!  Not like that Indonesian kid, Baby Ardi, who would have been smoking now for 4 years but do ya see any “Little Ardi” jokes out there!! 

 Guy says, “So, Baby Ardi, when did you start to smoke? 

 Baby Ardi says, “Right after I watched Katie Perry on the Today Show.  All those girls wanna kiss each other!”

One last thing about this Little Johnny joke and me being drunk.   NOT ME!  NOPE, got cured of that EARLY. 

The only beer we ever had in our house was Black Label brand.  I think it was 14 cents a case!  I sneaked a sip once!  I had intestinal issues for 11 days.  Basically, I was able to crap through a screen door without touching any wires for 11 days!!!!!  Took me until my 3rd year of college before I trusted beer again! 

(I kissed a girl and I liiiiiiiiiiked iiiiit!)  You KNOW you’re singing it right now. 

See ya next Friday.

About John from

I write a blog about Jagoffery..people who act like Jagoffs (a Pittsburghese word for "jerk" which is NOT a swear word BTW) Bad driving, parking, dumb criminals, stupid politicians.

Posted on September 3, 2010, in Katie Perry, Smoking and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Glad you set the story straight~
    I actually think I went to school with you! Ha Ha!
    Ummm I never kissed a girl~ not that there’s anything wrong with it!

  1. Pingback: Little Johnny “Swimsuit Edition” « I am Little Johnny

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