Little Johnny and Facebook!

So I’m out with some friends who take a few pictures on their phone while we’re being stupid.  By the next day I’m “tagged” in a Facebook page.  Whatever happened to those BLACK BARS that got put over people’s faces in embarrassing photos years ago.  Should that be an option on Facebook photos?

I dig the whole Facebook thing.  As a matter of fact, you can join the “Fans of I am Little Johnny Group.”   But when Facebook  overtakes your life and substitutes for regular communication between you and the world, you may need a psych consult. When you feel that the only way to berate your significant other, your boss, your kids OR YOUR PET is to post that thought on Facebook, you’ve got issues waaaaaaaay past the standard Charlie Sheen Psychological Evaluation Counseling Package!!

Remember hanging out in bars when they turned the lights on at 2am?  At the 2am BIG REVEAL you could actually SEE what the person you’ve been talking to all night REALLY looked like.  Remember the HORROR and lump in your gut you felt most times when the lights came on? In some cases you would pretend faint, force yourself to violently vomit or even fake a seizure just to put distance between you and the “revealed beast” knowing, full well,  that you would probably never see that person again.

So now with Facebook, you “FRIEND” a new person or, even worse, a long lost friend that you haven’t seen in years.  You talk nice-ies and maybe some sex-ies and do the whole verbal footsie thing for a little bit.  And despite the fact that the other person has  a picture of their cat or their car, or even worse, a super hero action figure as their profile picture,  you make arrangements to meet face-to-face.   Just like the 2am reveal!  OOOOPS!!  Now you KNOW why they are on Facebook so much and NOT out meeting real people!!!!!  The bad news is ya can’t fake a seizure cuz it won’t matter, they know how to keep IM’ing ya via Facebook!!!

If you’re an adult who’s Facebook status is “uggh, what a day” or “headed to the store” or your Farmville status is updated 11 times in 24 hours, you  probably need to consider the need to purchase a spouse from overseas via the internet !!! Just to for some social diversity. 

If Facebook is having techinal issues and you post, “What is wrong with Facebook today?”  who in the SOAPWORD do you think is going to see it and respond?  You’re now talking to a VIRTUAL wall, in public AND documenting it!!!!  

I like Facebook but there’s a lot of stupid spilled on it every day.  Speaking of stupid stuff, check out this Little Johnny joke:

Mrs. White asked her 4th grade class if they thought they were stupid and, if so, to please stand.

Little Johnny stood up, alone.

Mrs. White said, “Johnny, do you really think you’re stupid?”

“No,” Johnny said. “But I didn’t want you standing up there alone.”

As you know from previous postings I had nuns for teachers in elementary school.  Had I ever insinuated that a nun was STUPID I would have had scars that would horrify Dr. Cyril Wecht!  By the way, I WAS pretty stupid in grade school.  In 4th grade I was still trying to memorize the primary color wheel, mastering the art of picking my nose with that sneaky- thumb-sidescrape maneuver and swiping the boogers on the underside of my desktop.

Meantime, there’s Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook inventor, that’s been looking at the whole world as 1’s and 0’s since he got bored playing with the mobile above his crib.  I’m thinking HE is the kind of guy that would tell a 4th grade teacher he or she was stupid AND be able to prove it, logrhythmically of course.

By they way, WHO do you believe in the debate of who really started Facebook?  The geeky, withdrawn, red-haired, socially retarded Mark Zuckerberg OR the two studly, movie life-guard lookin’ Winklevoss twins that just wiggled their way into MILLIONS of dollars?

My thouughts?  Somone named in the previous sentence needed to invent SOME way of getting dates and it ain’t the twin stud-muffins!!!

Your thoughts? Email me:

About John from

I write a blog about Jagoffery..people who act like Jagoffs (a Pittsburghese word for "jerk" which is NOT a swear word BTW) Bad driving, parking, dumb criminals, stupid politicians.

Posted on September 24, 2010, in Facebook and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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