Little Johnny “Swimsuit Edition”

So I’m at the gym.  Ya see, I am not tall enough for my weight so I go to the gym to narrow the difference. 

Actually, I like to eat so I go to the gym to give me some wiggle room for when I go get some bar food and beers with Pauly Causik, Gary Hardballs, Dirty Kurty and Dicky Dickson at a place we call “The Nail.”

Anyway, I’m a shower kind of guy.  I NEVER take a baths.  I find the act of bathing more stomach curdling than the Dirty Kurty “poop plug” issue (click here if ya don’t know it).  I don’t take baths cuz I have absolutely NO interest in washing my face with “butt water” (water that that my butt is soaking in). 

So imagine my dismay when I was sitting in the gym’s hot tub, WITH SWIM TRUNKS ON, and one of the HARRIEST MALE BEASTS, approached AND ENTERED the hot tub NAKED.  YEP, you got it no kind of hairnet harness, at all, for those pube hairs!!    So there I was, relaxing in the hot tub salts.  Not even the visions of Mrs. Little Johnny on Valentine’s Day gets the vision of one of those Chewbacca hairs floating up to me outta my head! 

So I quickly exit the hot tub before one of his floating pubes can make contact with me.  Time to shower and get on with stuffin’ my face with cold beers and cheese sticks!  When I get to the shower, I see this:

 

 Yep, you got it!  Its curly black hairs on the top of the squirty soap!!!  SQUIRTY SOAP!!!

 Are ya kiddin’ me?  Squirty soap was the best invention EVER cuz it meant, from that point on, Ya NEVER AGAIN, had to pick up bar soap with two fingers cuz there was dried pube hairs pressed into it!  I’m actually gagging as …(hold on a minute while I choke a lump back)… anyway, I am gagging as I write this and look at that picture.

Ok, so speaking of taking baths, there is this story out there about me seeing my mom take a bath:

Little Johnny’s mother is taking a bath. She had recently been discharged from hospital where she had all of her pubic hair removed.

Johnny comes into the bathroom as she’s drying off, and asks her what happened to the hair. “I’ve lost my sponge,” she says, and sends Johnny to play.

A few moments later, Johnny reappears and tells his mother he thinks he’s found her sponge, “Oh, really,” his mum asks. “Where is it?” Johnny answers, “The lady next door is washing daddy’s face with it.”

I never saw my mom naked and my dad would have NEVER been with lady next door (see previous story about the CRANKY lady next door).

However, when I was little and we went to public pools to swim while my dad was working, guess where my mom took me to change… THE WOMEN’S LOCKER ROOM!!!!  YAAAAHoooo! Well, it WOULD be Yaaaaaahooo if I could just remember all that “SOAPWORD” I saw when I was little!!!

Ok, so my mom realized it was time to start sending me to the Men’s Locker Room when I started pointing and giggling at the ladies’ “boobies” and asking about the pubic hair on the ladies in the locker room. THAT’S when she told me “that’s the lady’s SPONGE.” 

To this day, I still twitch when my hot neighbor says she likes to clean her floors the “old fashioned way, ON HER HANDS AND KNEES WITH HER BUCKET AND SPONGE!!”

Yeah, WAAAAAY better visions than “visions of sugar plums dancing.”

As a matter of fact, THAT’S what I’m gonna picture the next time I see Chewbacca in the hot tub.  But I STILL ain’t getting’ in it unless he has a ball-hair-net on!!!

(gotta go – swallow-um, another lump in my throat)

 

Little Johnny Joke This Week Credited to : FHM On-Line

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About John from YaJagoff.com

I write a blog about Jagoffery..people who act like Jagoffs (a Pittsburghese word for "jerk" which is NOT a swear word BTW) Bad driving, parking, dumb criminals, stupid politicians. www.YaJagoff.com

Posted on February 18, 2011, in Dicky Dickson, Dirty Kurty, Hot Tub Gagging, Seeing Mom Naked and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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