For soooo many years there have been jokes about “Little Johnny.” I’m little Johnny and I hope to set the record straight on most of the stories you have heard!
Envision a quick-edit video clip jammed with a bunch of sound bites from celebrities and politicians talking about the trouble they are in. The sound of the clip goes like this, “I will be vindicated, “I have no question, that once all of the facts come out, I will be vindicated.” “These charges are ridiculous, I have NO DOUBT that I will be vindicated.” And so on… you get the point. No matter how guilty these people are, they somehow muster up the ability to shamelessly say, with a straighter face than a Sunday morning TV millionaire evangelist, that they WILL be vindicated.
I’m little Johnny. I’m all grown up now and I spent my life listening to stories about “Little Johnny.” If you’ve listened to all of the stories and read the web posts to this point, you may wonder how I’m not in a cell next to Lindsay Lohan. You may have heard, I have an extremely smart mouth, that my teachers were ALWAYS in fear of me dropping a swear word in class, that I got kicked out of school AT LEAST a dozen times, left school early by answering a fake question and even kidnapped a statue of the Virgin Mary just to get a new bicycle.
Well, MY VINDICATION is the focus of this blog. I plan on refuting the “Little Johnny” stories one-by-one and detailing what REALLY happened vs. the lies and unmonitored toxic propaganda and weba-ganda that has been spewed over the years.
Personally, I am not I big cliché guy. In this blog I will leave answer the bell and step up to the plate, leave no stone unturned, put all the cards on the table, open the kimono, and, without a doubt, because the best defense is a good offense, thru this blog, I assure you that I WILL BE VINDICATED!! Oh, and one other thing, I hope to amuse you and set free all of the Little Johnnies of the world.
My blog rules:
1) I won’t use blatant profanity. Despite the fact that most of these stories present the image that I have had “potty mouth” since a very young age. If you listened to the language in these jokes, as a teenager I was WELL qualified to be a truck drivin’ locker room construction worker. On my own, I’ve eaten enough soap over the years to fart and hiccup bubbles well into my assisted living, applesauce eating days. I will insert the term “soap word” when profanity is necessary.
2) However, I realize that there will be a fair amount of innuendo as the stories get told so be careful leaving the stories up on your computer screen if young kids are in the room. However, if you’re one of those parents that let’s your kids get tattooed and pierced beyond their ears before they’re 10, this blog will be innocent reading for your kids. Actually, for those kids, most of the original Little Johnny jokes might be pretty tame enough to use as a book report at school.
3) If I appear to be disrespectful please keep in mind, the overall intent of this blog is humor! I haven’t complained, until now, that the Little Johnny jokes were disrespectful to me so, pull your pants up and laugh a little.
By the way, if you have a specific Little Johnny story that you would like me to address, feel free to email me (IamLittleJohnny@comcast.net). I will do my best to address it. I WILL BE VINDICATED!!!