Category Archives: Johnny Gets A Black Eye

Posting Pictures of “My Junk” – Where’s Gloria Allred?

I am a man that has no common sense and I need to be noticed. 

Therefore I am officially posting a photo of “my junk” on the internet.  GOD I hope this gets me noticed!!!!  Here it is, plane as day!

Ok.  Now all I need is Little Susie or one of my former elementary teachers (mentioned in some of those Little Johnny jokes) to come forward and claim emotional harm.  Oh, and I need them to hire Gloria Allred to stand at a press conference and read some Little Johnny jokes to the press as if they were fact!!  I need this so, if you know Susie or Gloria, please forward this to them REAL SOON!

I actually DID post a photo of my gentials on the internet once.  However, the next time I heard anything about it it was when I saw the photo in a pop-up ad on my Facebook page promoting penis enlargement devices!!!   (Unfortunately I was the BEFORE photo.)

As a side note, I STILL think someone’s missing an opportunity to gather all of the women that Rep. Anthony Wiener interacted with and make them a touring group, “Anthony Weiner and The Weinerettes.”  It may be all he has left since he resigned.  The other thing is, I am surprised that this issue hasn’t sparked a new website, 

That Anthony Weiner is a sneaky little SOAPWORD but STUPID!

Here’s a Little Johnny joke about me SUPPOSEDLY being SNEAKY!

Little Johnny’s teacher noticed that he was sporting a black eye. She asked him what happened, and he replied, “Ma’am, you remember I told you how I sleep on the floor next to my parent’s bed? Well, last night, my dad asked me if I was still awake, I said yes and then he punched me in the face.”

“Ok, Johnny”, the teacher said, trying to help, ” the next time your dad asks you if you’re still awake, don’t answer, just lay still and pretend to be asleep.”

All went well, until a few weeks later, Little Johnny came to class with another black eye. The teacher asked him why he didn’t follow her advice.

Johnny explained, “Ma’am, I tried to, when dad asked me if I was awake, I kept quiet and lay really still, and pretended to be asleep, but then Dad said ‘I’m coming’, and Mom said ‘I’m coming too’, and I didn’t want them to go anywhere without me, so I shouted, ‘Let me just put on my slippers, I’m coming too’ and that’s when I got punched in the face.”

Well, as most would agree, envisioning your parents having sex is not especially gratifying.  Knowing that you would be listening to it first-hand is even less pleasing and, if it were true, probably would have turned me into an Asian Monk by the time I was 18.

But here’s a true story.  I was a latch-key kid.  When got home from grade school, I had to call my mom at work, let her know that I was home safely (We didn’t have texting back then sooooo I used this old fashioned thing called a wall phone to make the call.)  One particular day at school, Dicky Dixon came home with me.  Along with a missionary from Ethopia that had visited our school that day.  We invited him over for after-school snacks.  He was African American, or Black, as the term used to be.

When I called my mom to let her know Dicky and I were home safely, I told her that I came home with a Black guy from school.  She was EXTREMELY upset and demanded that I to sit down and relax and put Dicky Dixon on the phone.  She then instructed Dicky to put a bag of ice on the Black guy.   So Dicky told the African American missionary to sit down on a chair and then he nicely placed a huge bag of ice in the guy’s lap.  She told Dicky to have everyone “stay put” until she got home.

You don’t know my mom but NONE of us moved a muscle cuz she told us not to.  This was unfortunate cuz we were looking to enjoy the day with the Ethopian visitor playing kick ball, eating snacks, etc.

An hour later, may mom comes RACING thru the door screaming, “How’s the Black Guy?”  I was a little embarrased that she was so BRASH about our visitor.  As she put her coat away, she said, “Black guy’s can really be TERRIBLE!”  I was even MORE uncomfortable.

(Can you see this coming?)

My mother was HORRIFIED as she came into the room to see me, Dicky Dixon and the Ethiopian missionary (shivering from the ice-bag on his lap over the last hour and a horrified look on his face) sitting in the room.  She was COMPLETELY embarrassed when she realized that I did NOT come home from school with a BLACK EYE!!!!!!!

Little Johnny Joke this week provided by

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