Category Archives: Oprah Show Is Over

Oprah’s Gone – Get Seal Team 6 to Replace Her!

Well, the Oprah Show is now gone! 

Well, kind of!  But it’s hard to be sad cuz it’s basically been  like watching a cowboy die in an old spaghetti western over the last year.  No time to be sad.  Only time to figure out how the TV stations can replace Oprah with something that makes money!

I say, who’s the hottest commodity right now?  Seal Team 6. 

And here’s some thoughts on TV shows:

“Dancing With the Stars” Featuring the Seal Team 6 (Would be fun to see exactly WHAT kind of dance outfits they convince THESE guys to wear) This would ALSO give the guys, who had to wait outside during the raid, a chance to get one over on their Seal Team mates who went inside and did “the deed.”

Seal Team “Throw Down With Bobby Flay” (where they actually take turns cooking and THROWING DOWN Bobby Flay with close quarters combat moves)

Seal Team “Cake Boss” (where they storm into the kitchen and tell Buddy to “shut the SOAPWORD up” and make him stop SCREACHING when he talks)

Diners, Drive-ins and Tough Mother SOAPWORDer Dives” (Seal Team Six performs surprise assault entry on local chefs)

“The Voice via Seal Team Six” (you come out and sing, they spin around in their chair if they DON’T like you, with their weapon of choice. If all of them spin around, you pick which red dot on your body you want to take you out.)

You may THINK I’m a TV MOGUL GENIOUS from reading my ideas above, but I am not – just tryin’ to help.  Here’s a Little Johnny Joke about me “just trying to help.”

A third grade teacher always took roll call each morning and had the students answer by reciting a short poem.  The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher’s pet.  He stood and said, “My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can and I think I can.”

The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room.  She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, “My name is Suzy and when I become a lady, I would like to have a baby if I can and I think I can.”

Finally it came to Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, “My name is Johnny, and I don’t give a SOAPWORD about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can … and I think can!”

Third grade thinking sex????  Here’s how it REALLY happened.

Dirty Kurty and Micky Carrol were a little wise about sex in third grade  – just not geniuses.  Our third grade teacher was quite fulfilled at the top of her body – sweater kitting kind of stuff!  

During roll call one day, the teacher asked for volunteers to help her put her “memory photo book” together after school.  During roll call Dirty Kurty and Micky GLADLY volunteered!  I thought, what suckups!

That day, they spent close to 4 hours helping the teacher put a scrapbook of class photos together – they were bored has SOAPWORD!!!  Turns out, they were VAGUELY familiar with the term “MAMMARY” and, the whole day, they thought they were going to be helping the teacher put her “MAMMARY PHOTO BOOK” together!!!!  Yep, thought they were going to be seeing BOOBIE PHOTOS!!!  Ahhhh, the naiveté of young testosterone!!!

By the way, all of these JUDGES shows make me THANK GOD for my DVR:  Show opening, (FAST FORWARD) ,  activity (FAST FORWARD), score, (FAST FORWARD), next activity,  (FAST FORWARD), crying from winner, (FAST FORWARD), previews from next week,  end.  DONE in 26 minutes!

Speaking of Seal Team 6 and “memories,” remember MONDAY IS MEMORIAL DAY!!!!  It is a day to enjoy our freedom of being able to shop, take off work, take a trip, etc. because of the folks in our MILITARY!!!

Today’s Little Johnny Joke via @HilariousJoke

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