Category Archives: Osama Bin Laden

Osama Bin Laden “72 Virgin” Fantasy Leauge

First, this is NOT poking fun at Muslims.  Second, it IS making fun of Osama Bin Laden.  And why not, the Son-of-a-SOAPWORD has been laughing at us for 10 years!

I am not really sure that the “72 virgin rule” is for real in the Muslim religion.  Every time I “Google” it, I get more junk information than if I would’ve search for fat naked girls.  BUT, for today, we’re playing that the “72 virgin rule” IS a reality for Osama Bin Laden AND I want you to join the Fantasy League.  Who would YOU choose as his 72 Virgin Team. (You can use live or dead people.)

My First Thoughts:

1)  My 8th Grade home room teacher, Sister Concessa (photo unavailable)

     WHY: She would not just smack his knuckles.  Her 110lb frame would kick that SOAPWORD outta him

2) CNN’s Nancy Grace

     WHY:  With how much and how loud she talks, she HAS to still be a virgin.  I don’t think she can shut-up long enough to have sex. 

3) Gaming Character, Lara Croft

     WHY: She will be able to give him the SOAPWORD-kicking the “human rights” activists on earth would not permit him to get

4) Rosanne Barr

     WHY:  You need to ask why?  Would you want to be subjected to having sex with her?

5) Tatoo Lady    (I think there’s a small tatoo in there somewhere that says, “Place Nose Here!” (Yeah, I’m gagging too!)

     WHY: Once again, rhetorical.

6) Nicole Bass (Of Howard Stern Show Fame)

      WHY:  She would squeeeeeeze his winnie to look like an old-fashioned bycicle hand grip.

I don’t think I can go on to 72, because I might gag even more.  I got the list started.  But here’s a “most wanted” type of Little Johnny joke:

Little Johnny’s class was on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, “It was so nice of you to put my daddy’s picture up there. Is he famous?”

I know you are dying to know what the real story was so here it is.  Dirty Kurty was on the school field trip to the police station.  When the cop wasn’t looking, Dirty Kurty slipped a homemade “WANTED” poster that had been mocked up with a picture of another kid from class, Jimmy Pitka. 

Jimmy was a little backward and ALWAYS had sweat on his armpits and ALWAYS wore light blue shirts.  Jimmy also had a pension for picking this skin on his lips when he got nervous.  The sweat would start, his leg would start to go up and down and THEN he’d start picking at his lips looking around as confused as Charlie Sheen in heaven.

Anyway, when the police officer came back, he started pointing things out on the bulletin board.  He didn’t notice the Jimmy Pitka picture but Jimmy did!!!  I swear, the pit sweating and leg-going-up-and-down-like-a-jackhammer thingy went from zero to full fledged panic in about 9.8 seconds.  I think I could actually HEAR his pits, like a faucet,  actively sweating.  The lip skin picking was in high gear too.  I can’t believe he had any lip left after 15 minutes – but they WERE bleeding, URGHHH!!!

As it turns out, when we moved to the next part of the tour, Dirty Kirty looked up and saw a video camera, aimed RIGHT AT where he had hung the fake poster.  Did anyone see what he did?  Durty Kurty just about threw up his entire breakfast juice box right there!  Turns out, nobody said anything, but the anxt that Dirty Kurty felt for the rest of the tour was more torture than being forced to stare at naked Lindsey Lohan photos.

Hmmm, Lindsay Lohan… another person to put in the Fantasy Virgin leauge?  Who would YOU put on Fantasay Virgin team for Bin Laden?

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