Category Archives: Wants a Puppy
If you don’t read all of the way through this, “puppies might die!” That’s right!! If you want attention you have to strike fear. And nothing strikes fear more than the phrase, “puppies might die.” As a matter of fact, the commercials about starving kids have moved on from celebrities (and a full complement of a commercial production staff) sitting next to a starving kid eating a bowl of white goop telling us how we can feed them on a $1 a week. Now, if we want someone to notice the starving kids we have to say, “you can feed little Oki for less than $1 a week. Send your money in now or HIS PUPPY MIGHT DIE TOO? Text the phrase “puppies might die to….”
Little Johnny and his dad are walking through the park and they see two dogs having sex. Little Johnny asks, “what are they doin’ dad?”
The dad says, “Oh, why they’re making a puppy.” Little Johnny and his dad walk on.
A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mom and dad having sex. Little Johnny says, “what are you doin’ dad?” The dad, embarrassingly says, “well, mommy and I are making you a little brother.”
Little Johnny replies, “ahhh, can you flip her over I’d rather have a puppy.”
Some of this story IS true. There was a day when I remember walking through the park with my dad and seeing two dogs doin’ their thing. But my dad was nobody to admit to knowing anything about sex. So when I asked what they’re doing, he said “They’re playing leap frog.” Then I remember thinking, “They’re NOT very good at it. SOMEONE needs to train their dog how to jump higher!”
I was AFRAID to play leapfrog for the rest of my life just in case one of the other players couldn’t jump!! I KNEW what it would look like.
The next part of the joke NEVER, EVER happened. I NEVER saw my parents having sex. If I actually saw my parents having sex as many times as the Little Johnny jokes say that I did, I would have been screwed up enough to wrestle my fat half-naked cousin on Jerry Springer. Then I would have moved on to the Dr. Phil show to help with my anger followed by a spot on the Delilah Radio show where I make amends with everyone by requesting a sappy love song!!! Nahhhh.
In all honestly, I DO recall my parents code phrase for wanting to hook-up. The password was “doing the laundry.” And it wasn’t until I was well into my 20s that I realized what my meant when he said, “It’s a whole lot less hassle to do the load by hand.”