Category Archives: WATSON The Computer
Some time ago, humor blogger, Tim Jones (View From The Bleachers) wrote about the CMU computer, Watson, running for President of the United States.
An excerpt from his blog:
As Republicans vet Watson, they are probing into earlier iterations of Watson for any hint of scandal. Experts assure the GOP that there is 99.9% chance that Watson could never be caught up in a sex scandal, stating “While his voice may be alluring, he has the warmth of a steel drum.” So far, his history appears almost squeaky clean. Almost. Watson was in fact caught on tape grunting suggestively. His programmers insist that Watson was merely reciting the entire dialogue of the adult film, Deep Throat. RNC Chairman Reince Priebus came to Watson’s defense in an official statement, chiding critics by asking: “Who among us does not have some minor embarrassing sexual indiscretion in our past, involving sex tapes of ourselves making inappropriate advances towards a congressional page or a farm animal?”
Now THERE’s something unique, a President that would know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING! But then I started thinking about the OBVIOUS downsides to this computer President precident.
1) Someone from the cast of Saturday Night Live would be laid off and replaced with a computer prop. You wouldn’t even need a voice actor! Terrible news for the Actors Guild!
2) How in the “SOAPWORD” would the cartoonists charicature our President for their one-panel political cartoons? There would be no big ears, big nose, bushy eyebrows, chin dimple or eyeglasses to highlight.
3) Even worse, just like the roving gnomes and other grade school projects, people would be making fun of our President by making cheap copies of he/she/it, put silly little hats and outfits on it and then pose it for pictures around the world and post them on Facebook pages.
4) Who would be the spouse, First Lady/First PC?
5) There would be no need for a White House Chef staff- the computer would not eat bites, it would fill itself with BYTES!
6) And think of this: with the rate of techonological advances, by the time Watson gets to the end of he/she/its first term, he/she/it will be about HALF OF ITS ORIGINAL SIZE. If he/she/it would be successful at “four more years” he would fit into somebody’s wrist watch or be a debit card. Not even big enough to carry the Nuclear Football!
7) Finally, given number six, think of how AWKWARD those photos would look when foreign leaders show up for State Dinners! “Ladies and gentleman, now posing for a photo, The President of the United States, “Watson the computer” and Japanese Prime Minister Naoto Kan.” Think of those G-20 “leaders” photos!!!
I dunno, maybe it’s just better to have a human with a little bit of knowledge and a HUGE “SOAPWORD’n” EGO to be our President. Speaking of a little bit of knowledge, here’s a Little Johnny joke:
Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Johnny about his family trip. “We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota.”
The teacher asked, “Good, can you tell the class how you spell that? “
Little Johnny said, “No, Actually, we went to Ohio.”
But what REALLY happened that day is: the teacher asked me to spell Minnesota. I had been daydreaming and I panicked not knowing what she asked me to do. Micky Carroll leaned over and told me I was supposed to walk up to the board and do a sample multiplication problem. So I did. I didn’t realize, until I was already doing the problem, that Mickey was yankin’ me.
The teacher couldn’t comprehend what I was doing. She was speechless. She thought I was having some type of seizure.
Sooooo I went with it! Instead of admitting I wasn’t paying attention, I faked passing out and dropped to the floor!!!!! (I thought about pee-ing my pants but I didn’t.)
Other than the “smelling salts” treatment, and having to sit in the Principal’s office with a wet wrag on my neck and forehead, it was totally WORTH it! I completely avoided getting in trouble. Even better, that teacher made me her favorite for the year cuz she felt bad!!!!!
This week’s Little Johnny Joke from, Kaylan Chaitanya Blog.