Little Johnny April Fools Day

Whadda ya gonna do today?

* Dr. Cyrl Wecht admitted to being the SECOND guy that shot John F. Kennedy.  APRIL FOOLS!

 * Snookie knows the difference between a baseball MITT and M.I.T.   APRIL FOOLS!

 * Charlie Sheen has had MORE sex than a Catholic Bishop.   APRIL FOOLS!  (DUH, Winning!)

(Yep, mentioning Charlie Sheen is STILL a great way to get high on the blog search engines.)

Ok.. so it’s April Fools Day.  If you didn’t plan any pranks yet, here’s one of my favs.  

Find the number to yer local aviary or exoctic bird store.  Then, leave a message for your boss to call back to “Mr. Bird” at that number.  Oh yeah….  Do you have ANY idea how iritated the people on the other end of the phone get and how STUPID yer boss will feel when they get called a “Jackass?” (NOTE: This prank worked a lot better before caller ID)

DISCLAIMER: If yer boss doesn’t like the joke and ya end up at a new job, pressin’ pictures of burgers and milk shakes on a cash register and sayin’, “Would you like fries with that?” don’t blame me. 

Want a Little Johnny joke about birds?  Well, yer gonna get one! 

An elementary school math teacher asked her class one day, “If there are three birds on a wire, and a farmer shot one, how many are left?”

One little boy said two, but little Sally, realizing it was a trick question, said, “None, ’cause everyone knows that if you shoot at birds they all fly away.” The teacher congratulates her on her correct answer.

Little Johnny, however, disagreed. He said, “No, there would be one — the one that the farmer shot.”

The teacher replied, “No, Johnny, you’re wrong, but I like the way you think.”

Then Little Johnny said, “OK, teacher, I have a riddle for you.  Let’s say three women are at a bar and they each order a single scoop ice cream cone. The first one eats it by gently licking it around the edges, the second slowly sucks the ice cream off the cone from the top, and the third gobbles the top and then sucks the rest out of the cone. Which one is married?”

After a few seconds of contemplation, the teacher replied, “Well, I think it must be the third, the one that gobbles the top and sucks out the inside.”

Johnny responded, “No, teacher, you’re wrong — it’s the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think.”

But here’s the REAL story.  Our 4th grade Catholic School math teacher – a NON-nun – was pretty hot.  Dirty Kurty used to call her “CONES” cause her boobs were soooo big and pointy that they looked like highway cones.  When his mom was shopping for underwear, Dirty Kurty would stand near the EXTRA LARGE bras (ya know the ones that look like the could be a skull cap on Pro-wrestler screw-up Kurt Angle) in hopes that “Ms. Cones” would come by to purchase some lingerie!

One day we went for a field trip to the local ice cream stand.  “Ms. Cones” was carrying too many ice cream cones in her hand.  She handed one to everyone and then handed hers to Dirty Kurty to hold until she got settled.  She looked over, and saw her ice cream dripping and she said the words that put Dirty Kurty into a coma, “Kurty, could you please like the ice cream off of my cone before it drips off?”   Dirty Kurty had to be sent to the Emergency Department for “dehydration” cuz he played with, well YOU KNOW, too many times that night. 

OK.  Happy April Fools Day!  Comment below about yer favorite prank OR give me feedback on how yer pranks go today!

BTW, the new “Little Johnny” animated movie starts today in Australia, CLICK HERE.