It’s the Little Johnny Blog’s birthday, 1-year-old!
I was going to have TLC’s Buddy the Cake Boss – owner of Carlo’s Bakery and one of the most irritating, squeaky, whiney New York accents since Fran Drescher – make our cake and have a huge party. However, I was afraid that, in his research on cake designs, he would take the Little Johnny jokes too literal and design some time of cake showing “the comedian with the two black balls” or make a design of my parents having sex out of fondant. Then again, a cake of my 4th grade teacher, whose sweater kittens were so big she could only fasten eight (FASCINATE) of her buttons, wouldn’t be so bad!
Either way, big things are going on and I have some answers. The current U.S. Budget debate has brought about GREAT potential for headlines – IF, and only IF, you free yourself to take the literary license of changing the pronunciation of Speaker John Boehner (currently pronounced BAY-nor) to BONER! Just imagine:
Senator Reid Steps All Over Boehner
Reid Slams Boehner In Front of Full Senate
Boehner Plan Has Great Staying Power
Reid Pulls Boehner Asside for Stroking Before Vote
Reid Attacks Boehner for Being In His Way
Reid Gets Boehner on Sunday Morning Talk Show
In the words of some old-time Jewish comedy writer from the Catskills, “I got a MILLION of ’em!”
And about this debt crisis thingy, these politicians are making this WAAAAY too hard. If you’ve ever been in a sticky situation where you need more credit, you know what to do.
You can talk to anyone of the very friendly but barely understandable Indian people named Nelson, Carl, Kitty or Alice. Just simply ask to have your credit line increased. Crying is sometimes necessary but, within 15 minutes, they will be given authorization by their supervisor, Joseph, to increase your spending ability!
Either way, we’re all hangin’ it out there together!! And here’s a Little Johnny Joke about a similar topic
One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants.
The Teacher asked, “Johnny, what are you doing?”
Then, Johnny said, “It hurts down there.”
“Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home,” said the teacher.
A little while later, Johnny came back to classroom and sat back down.
Then the teacher came to the back of the room again and Johnny had his wiener hanging out of his pants.
The teacher said, “Johnny, what’s that doing hanging out of your pants?!”
Then Johnny said, “My mommy said if I can stick it out until noon, she’ll come and pick me up.”
As you know from reading this blog for the last 12 months, this story is CLOSE but not true. Here’s a REAL story:
One Friday during college, Dirty Kurty realized that he didn’t have any drinking money for the weekend. So, while sitting in the back of our 2-hour long summer Cost Accounting class, Dirty Kurty made us a bet. He had to pee and we still had an hour of class to go. His bet, if he urinated into his empty Gatorade bottle DURING CLASS, each the three of us would give him $5. Yeah, beer was cheap back then.
We agreed and Dirty Kurty PEED! Right there while the professor was reading aloud from the text-book, calling on people randomly, Dirty Kurty peed into the bottle. You could hear the pee hitting the bottom of the bottle. We all started cracking up which made Dirty Kurty start laughing and, each time he laughed his pee would squirt, stop, squirt, stop – sounded like someone was milking a cow into a bucket!
He filled the bottle, put the lid on it and placed it on the empty desktop next to him. For the rest of the final our of class, we stared at that bottle in amazement – that nobody else knew what had occurred. With about 15 minutes to go, we started to get wiffs of pungent urine. (Yep, sour puke in my throat when I think of it.)
We paid our debt to Dirty Kurty and, to this day, NONE OF US can drink Lemon-Lime flavored Gatorade! Also, don’t know if anyone in the NEXT CLASS felt lucky for “finding a free full bottle of Gatorade!”
Thanks for reading the blog for the last 12 months. Please encourage your friends to get on the mailing list.
COMMENT BELOW – what would be YOUR fav headline about Reid and Boehner??